Essays in Idleness

Socialism has always made its deep appeal to the shallow — to malice and envy, and to the pigeon-brained, assembling to leave their malodorous droppings on the city streets. That Socialism has not practically succeeded, ever — even once — out of many thousand attempts, might be seen as “a failure of Democracy.” For election results depend upon the voting of the general public, and these masses are, as one should probably have guessed by now, quite incredibly stupid. They exhibit retardation in both its moral and intellectual forms. That is why they swing Left-socialist, or perhaps less fortunately Right-socialist sometimes, and we are warned that they will do so at the congressional midterms, next month in the United States.

Blaming politicians is like blaming crime on the criminals. It is idle. What can one expect from them?

I, however, will not bother with this, any more than I am vexed by the question of intelligent life on Mars. For I am as confident that no intelligent life is to be found in an electorate.

Though perhaps I should allow that a small minority of voters — perhaps one in fifty — know enough about public affairs and political principles to be trusted with the franchise.

Art, religion, and science, are systematically misunderstood, and can never be understood in any “perfect” or complete way.

Henri Bergson seems to be with me on this; also, the whole Catholic tradition.

Consider, for instance, the example of memories. Where do we store them? There are mechanical means for artificially keeping records, each of which, once destroyed, will not come back, but how do living beings store their memories?

Where do these memories go, and how can they be retrieved? Particularly, how can we access them, after the beings are dead? No amount of physiological research can locate organic memory in physical space, or ever be found once we have lost it. Yet it will return to us of its own accord. This incidental fact may be acknowledged, but seldom does it inspire consistent attention — to “the mind of God,” as it were. For physical things cannot be; or if they are, they cannot be remembered. “Materialism” must insist upon this. Unless God has ordained both matter and spirit; and reality must then, necessarily, contain both.

To some extent, some piece of “non-existent,” or no longer existing, memory, can be recalled by our machines, or by other creatures. Perhaps even flies nibble pieces of it. Therefore even flies become a feature of the spiritual world, as well as of the material, while extending out of reach of, for instance, my swatter. But all theories about reality break down about here.

Every attempt to locate at least the processing centres for memories are doomed to failure. — Mehr licht! — Brains are too dark, much though parts like the cerebrum, cerebellum, and brainstem may be shown in a diagram, or pointed to by an adequately trained neurological surgeon. Yet even they have given up on phrenology. Various functions may be assigned to imaginary parts which have functions, only. But where are the memories located? How can we even try to fetch them? One may continue looking; but only in this world’s many material places.

Memories are not in the skull, nor are they elsewhere. The spirit, or soul of a person, or of any other live being, cannot be found outside, any more than it can be found inside a brain. Though bounded in a nutshell, the human mind occupies infinite space, and all the time before and after. So Shakespeare proposes, but no one can give a plausible account of travels in these unposted realms.

What exists in the spirit seems to exist, however, beyond our slight reach. It is also beyond the reach of “artificial intelligence,” which can’t imagine without lying, or originate anything true. Indeed, AI does not and will not give the answer.

Canada has travelled considerably downhill during the last century or two. Did you know, for instance, that in 1893 we were already making electric cars? I first learnt this as a stamp collector, for the electric van of the Still Motor Co is depicted on a pretty lithographic postage stamp — one of a set with dozens of other early national voitures, though not all of them électrique. Made here in Toronto at the Dixon Carriage Works (“a nice little two-seater open runabout”), and first commissioned by the prominent lawyer, Frederick Bernard Fetherstonhaugh (pron. “FAN-shaw”).

“Still,” too, is a delightful name to stick upon a car manufacturer. William Still was the Musk-ic engineer who got it rolling.

As an old-fashioned person, often accused of Ludditism, I especially favour electric autocars, and the patient recharging of batteries off the railway system. They last and last; Fetherstonhaugh kept his model well into the last century. With pneumatic tires, mud flaps, and a civilized maximum speed of fifteen miles per hour, it was exceedingly comfortable and polite.

Electric engines are quiet and smooth, not noisy and smelly like one of these combustion things.

St Francis of Assisi had the good fortune of birth, a few centuries before he was discovered to be a communist. His patronage of “the environment,” of “ecology,” and of cute animals, was part of his “progress” away from being a Catholic saint; only posthumously did he become a fraud. The world is uncomfortably arranged, so to make the recovery of his mediaeval reputation difficult. But if one is determined, it can still be done.

In the Fifth Crusade he notoriously “crossed the line” at Damietta, Egypt, in order to preach the Gospel to Sultan Malik, as well to anyone else who happened to be listening in the Islamic camp (as we should do today). They were utterly impressed and thus finally let him through, without extravagant beatings. This happens sometimes in response to acts of humility and courage.

St Francis — and Brother Illuminatus of Arce, who should also be mentioned — had walked right in. The friars survived the initial physical beatings of the traditional Islamic “hello!” — because they were saying something unpredictable. They did not come with the message that bloodshed is wrong, or even with the bureaucratic terms of a peace treaty. Their dislike of violence could be taken for granted: no one (sane) enjoys being thrashed, and arguing the contrary is just gibberish against physical pain and death. Even dogs can make that position known by yelp and howling; and Muslims can be quite eloquent.

Instead, the Christians proposed to discuss Faith; and did this for several days before being dismissed: sent home with provisions and nice things.

I suppose one could call this “a dialogue.” But when truth is discussed in war, it is something more than a dialogue. For then truth is given a real background. We read a conversation of that sort in the Bhagavad Gita, between Arjuna and Krishna, which one might also consult. For generally there is presence of God, wherever angelic men and manly angels rise above complaint. Truth is higher, even than diplomacy.

Michaelmas is one of the chief anniversaries in “my secret life,” or my fantasy life as you might call it; except that my fantasy lives are plural. By simply presenting a curriculum vitae of one or several of these imaginary existences, I could have become a prominent Liberal or Democrat politician; but self-disgust always got in my way.

My private harvest fantasy for St Michael (patron of the archdiocese of Toronto) could be fulfilled by shooting down one of the Canada geese that are just now flying by the High Doganate, and then preparing him in my kitchen (with apple and onion stuffing). I say “him,” because I would rather aim at one of the thick-necked ganders, for they are so aggressive and annoying. A bird at Michaelmas, a bird at American Thanksgiving, and a bird at Christmas, should be my culinary custom, and by rendering their gorgeous fat I could have fine roast potatoes. Perhaps I could be raising them to purpose; though I doubt there is room in a modern apartment for a pond of adequate size, and one’s superintendent might complain about the open-door arrangements.

So I am resigned to reality. It constantly encroaches upon my secret life.

As it did in childhood, when I decided to round-out my education at Merton College in Oxford. I would have arrived for Michaelmas term, a little more than half a century ago, taking a garret under the eaves of their 13th-century Mob Quad, from which I would have had a good shot at the geese flying low and slow over the Thames River floodplain. That is how you cook them, incidentally — low and slow, after some initial violent pricking and crisping.

But even by the 1970s, Oxford had deteriorated through feminization and Marxism, to the point where I had to remove it even from my secret life. For I have standards.

“More Canadians shop at Dominion than at any other store, … and it’s mainly because of the meat!”

I encountered this ancient slogan and jingle for the first time since, I think, the 1960s, while irresponsibly “scrolling” through the Internet this morning. It was so effectively written and composed, that the tune immediately came back to me, clearing some fog out of my brain.

How distant that time, when the word “Dominion” still conveyed pride in a country, that is now post-national. The term has been systematically suppressed, by our controlling political Orcs, and the company that used it as a name for its grocery chain has been unnamed, broken up, or bankrupted (it is hard to say which). Except, apparently, in Newfoundland and Labrador, it says here.

But their slogan should have survived, for after decades of bleak veganism, meat has somehow been revived, even by the health nazis. Meat is good for you, even they now declare. It contains protein, which is all the rage. According to leading heart surgeons and nutritionists, if you eat ketotonically, you may actually outlive me. But you might not if you only eat Tim Horton’s donuts.

It is important to be, much more than to do. Indeed, doing should generally be discouraged, in most circumstances. It is important to make art, and to avoid expressing yourself, for art is not a form of knowledge, as all the idiots say. For it consists instead of making. Nor is knowledge power, when we come to that. Truth is not power, either, especially in this country.

Still, it is more honourable than lies. It has always been so, and it will always be. And it is mainly because of the meat.

The idea of doing some action, or of correcting something that is wrong, or in a more subtle way of adjusting radically what is imperfect (wheels missing on a carriage, for instance), is not a universal American trait, or kind of behaviour. But it does seem to be unique to this continent, and to the few places that are economically viable, elsewhere. The Americans, or rather I should say, those Americans, are subject to the world’s envy, and the world’s (incompetently) organized resistance. But people like Donald Trump never learn. That is why I adore them.

Myself, I have always preferred to do nothing, and leave things to work themselves out, on the instruction of the Chinaman, Lao Tzu. I like to be comfortable with disaster: to exhibit my poise, when everything breaks down, as they do in what Mr Trump has called “the shit-hole countries.” All my life I have been mastering this admirably useless, idle discipline. It does not require skill, only time. But it helps to be diligent in opposition to the “optimists,” the “go-getters,” and “busy-bodies” who pretend to improve things. True reaction is the ideal political solution, after all. Truth to tell, it is also the superior strategy, for in the end all the optimists will die; as often as not, from exhaustion.

Modesty and anonymity in the service of Christ is the higher calling. Persistence without optimism or pessimism; and without knowing if we have succeeded, in the end. For in this world we cannot know.

Our most recent Canadian prime minister, Mark Carnage, has been leading us away from our fragmentary “Americanism,” towards that bottomless lake of “globalism,” past the usual bodyguard of lies. It is the destination of every secular plan. Our polished, besuited central bank-governor is advancing the corporate plan. He is making many powerful new allies — such as Red China, and the bureaucracy within “the black heart of Europe.” We will all stand together, against the “controversial” Trump, as he reciprocates for our own excessive tariffs, and tariff-like “procedures.” For the moment America refuses to lie still, frustrating the attempts to administer our punishments. The beatings would have been more violent and effective, had the Trumpists not cut the budgets of so many of the Democratic Socialist NGOs, designed as they are to defeat anything like Trumpism.

But as every corrupt, worthless politician must know, and all the common scum among the electorates that serve them, Trump will soon-enough be gone. And that means they will have the chance to re-install the principles of intentional waste and kakistocracy.

Getting our freedom back from the monster of statist tyranny — from socialism in its many poisonous configurations — will require, as would any counter-revolution, a certain amount of aggressive vulgarity. We will need courage, and incidentally, more courageous statesmen like Trump.

“O my God!” was my reaction, when the news finally reached me, that morning a quarter century ago. I had a column to write that morning, but first some telephone calls to make, one of them to New York City. It was a social call I was finally returning. I found out about the Islamic terror attacks in that way, for a telephonic recording told me that all connexions to Manhattan were down at the moment. Why on earth would that be?

My then more primitive Internet service was also mostly down, and when I turned on my radio I had an interminable CBC “arts” interview to get through. (I had not previously used the radio attachment to my CD machine.) Finally, in my frustration, I found the Times of India, where, at one glance, I took in the picture of the burning Twin Towers. (After more than another hour, CBC “breaking news” was reporting that a “far right Oklahoma bomber” might be responsible.)

I, of course, was not as thick as a CBC newsroom. As at the last World Trade Centre bombing, in 1993, I knew instantly whose terrorists had done it. I was too old to believe, for instance, Mr George W. Bush’s blather about Islam being “a religion of peace.” Having been a child in Pakistan, of all places, I knew from the age of six that Islam was a religion of war. That was when I had my first opportunity to witness an “incident” near my school in Lahore. Human slaughter makes an indelible impression on young minds, though in places like Palestine it turns them into enthusiasts, in that case for killing Jews.

I had a column to write, that morning in 2001; it would be my first on 9/11. I wrote it to discourage readers from freaking out. My first worry was that Christian America would retaliate mindlessly. When an old Hindu friend, a journalistic colleague, called me later that day from the Subcontinent, his first question was, “What is wrong with the Americans?” He was genuinely puzzled that reprisals against Muslims were not happening, coast to coast.

“If that attack had happened in Delhi,” was his view, “there would have been ten thousand Muslim bodies floating face down in the Yamuna by now!”

Well, yes, I had to agree: approximately.

It does not make sense to send me money any more (if you ever did), except from the purest generosity and kindness, for I don’t think I can “perform” any more, as a commentator on various miscellaneous and mostly stupid topics, except rarely while I am not seeing double. Even the beloved Catholic Thing has had to sign off on me, and if you sent me a cheque (or check — for most come from the United States) I would currently be unable to cash it. Indeed, the evidence is that the few of my fellow Canadians who notice me, despise me as much as I despise them. Meanwhile, all my past Idleworks will continue to be available gratis, in the hope of afflicting them.

I do not like to cheat anybody, even Communists or Muslims. So they may read me at their leisure.

This is because I am a convinced “Christianist,” who necessarily follows some eccentric doctrines. I think, for instance, that all contrary beliefs, without religious faith, are worthless, and potentially quite evil. Strangers may have been raised with alternative sincere beliefs, for instance Theravada Buddhist under the Pali canon, but as for the majority of liberals, leftists, socialists, progressives, … “for me, you may hang ’em, or drown ’em.” … (May God protect us from these atheist savages!)

The most superlative protection comes through making art. It is the natural expression (additional to prayer) of faith in action. The greatest threats come through bureaucrats and bureaucracies. I am for creative freedom, and voluntary acts, and against taxmen and oppressors.

But as I will continue to mumble my opposition to them, as long as I am able, please, some-time readers, pray for me.

Still moving, now that I have been slightly jostled by the by-election results, up here in “Canada,” where the Liberals have swept ridings in B.C., Ontario, and Quebec. They won by insuperable margins, after Carney intentionally picked a fight with Trump, again. Using such devices, his party has been able to laughably misrule our country for many, many years.

There are thirty-eight members of the OECD, and Canada is in dead last place. Yet still these low-intelligence mediocrities continue to win elections, just by telling lies.

An erstwhile Czech immigrant, and dear friend, who has returned to old Europe, notes, “I believe by losing the connexion to its real history it has in effect lost the right to call itself Canada. Perhaps it should now be called New Canada to distinguish it from what its people lived by, up to say the 1960s–1970s.”

Forty trillion dollars — an amount the U.S. national debt now exceeds — would not have struck me as a plausible number in the days when one lousy million would have been enough for an extravagant couple to retire on. To call it sustainable may be a fond little accountant’s irony. Bankers, and insurance adjusters, are notorious for telling jokes about bankruptcies, but this amount, in trillions — now rapidly ballooning with compound interest and fresh, reckless spending — seldom rises to the amusing. For no one is terribly concerned, as they might be by fouls in women’s basketball.

The Democrats, Republicans, and others among the unambiguously deranged, are incapable of grasping the concept that even government debts are potentially important, and must be repaid, to avoid the real costs of a default, which will not be just a number.

We don’t make jokes about mass murder, either, or not unless we are progressively left. But a single generation after 9/11, when Muslim-hijacked aeroplanes were flown directly into New York City skyscrapers, the New York municipal government is in the hands of a freely-elected, and provocatively Muslim, administration. Believe this if you dare.

To be fair, all of the American Founding Fathers agreed that democracy could never work, and shouldn’t be tried as a form of government; for “the people” are just too crazy. True, one may find some sane voters, but they are always too small a minority.

The great pleasure of immobility, while some consciousness remains, and until the tax department catches up with you, is that you may read, more or less without interruption. Unfortunately, some of what you read may be what you wrote yourself in the past, and this can be an embarrassment.

For one discovers that one’s longest dithering philosophical essays could have been expressed in fewer words:

“From the impossibility of confining numbers to the constant and uniform prosecution of a common interest, arises the difficulty of securing subjects against the encroachment of governours. Power is always gradually stealing away from the many to the few, because the few are more vigilant …”

Note from the spellings, that this is from Doctor Johnson in The Adventurer.

I have fallen in love with Sophie Cunningham, even though she is a basketball star (I loathe basketball), and more than six feet tall (which is surely excessive, for a girl). She excels also in every other sport, beats the boys when they let her play with them, and can dance and sing and drink. Alas, I wouldn’t stand a chance with her, for I understand that she despises shorter men. (But politely.)

Sophie is fearless, and honest, and true, as everyone must have noticed by now. Yet as magnificently as she may sing “Courtesy of the Red White and Blue,” in Mizzou or wherever she came from, she is quite thrillingly, remarkably non-violent. And yet she plays for Idaho in the women’s professional basketball league. Or maybe it is Indiana.

Well, something that starts with “I.” This is a bloodsport, in which the women are all trying to kill one another.

It is that way throughout women’s athletics. For instance, though only if you have the stomach for it, I invite you to check out women’s field hockey. The girls are vicious, wherever they are playing — in Canada, England, Holland, Italy, Pakistan. Put a stick in a woman’s hands and, regardless of her ethnicity, she will immediately try to clobber another woman. I have seen this with my own eyes in each of these countries.

As Stephen Leacock wrote, men may be too crooked even for business; but women are, even for war, too violent.