Essays in Idleness

On the subject of usury, I see the Greeks have voted to owe the Germans less money, in the latest triumph of democracy. They were a brilliant people, as we all learnt in school — further improved by South Slavic immigration, and honed through centuries of enslavement to the Infidel Turk. And good luck to them: for surely one way to undermine usury is to ignore debt. Why wait for a mortgage-burning party until after the last instalment is paid, in an age of instant gratification? The Germans invaded in 1941, but circumstances were different then. I doubt they’d have the nerve to invade again.

Any sangfroid which remains in the EU, ECB, and IMF (the leading institutional creditors) should disappear as the Italians, Spaniards, French, and finally the Germans themselves wave their national wands. Each in its own way is maxed out on usury — according to the international department of the High Doganate — and this explains the rise of all the new parties in Europe, which liberal media characterize as “rightwing” and “neo-fascist.” Actually they are populist. In fiscal matters, they are invariably on the Left. They understand that once given a taste of free money, no electorate can be weaned. The hand-outs are not merely expected; through political rhetoric they become first “entitlements,” and then “human rights.” It is because they can’t do anything about the majorities in their respective countries, that they turn attention to the minorities, instead.

Note that the Leftists who triumphed in Greece weren’t campaigning about the debt. You don’t score a landslide on a downer like that. Instead they were campaigning for relief from “austerity.” The defeated government had tried to keep agreements with creditors. It was for maintaining the national honour, that they were annihilated at the polls.

As History hath reported before, hyperinflation is the answer. Give the people everything they demand, and see how it works for them. Restore the paper drachma: let them have all they want of a worthless currency, since they can’t handle the hard stuff. (The modern drachma had quite the history of decimal-place adjustments, as I recall from stamp collecting. It is almost as if Greek governments were incontinent in some innate way.)

The bloody stuff comes later, when the people realize they have been cheated (by themselves). That is when they go looking for scapegoats. (Any more parentheses on modern Greek history and this could become invidious.)

Here is an old-fashioned banking idea: grab every Greek asset you can, and hold a fire sale; apply the proceeds to the principal, and write off all the rest. Then don’t ever lend them money again. (If they’re starving, we can send them food at no charge, the way we do to Haiti.)

No politician will think like this, however — nor any banker now that banking operations throughout Europe and America have been methodically politicized. Rather they will go back to the conference table, and resume their efforts to square the circle, until the roof falls in. It is like the Two State Solution for Peace in the Middle East. Because it is both impossible, and irrelevant to every real problem, it will take a lot of time.

For this is the world. It is how the world works. “Go, go, go, said the bird: human kind cannot bear very much reality.” This is why the truth is offensive; why genuine humour is in very poor taste: because, like vinegar, it cuts through the grease. But this is no argument against brewing vinegar.

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Vinegar is also useful for fruitflies, by the way. In the kitchen of the High Doganate we had, recently, a bowl of plums, which weren’t very good, and so weren’t being eaten. Fruitflies collected. Gentle reader may know that all species of Drosophila can be irritating. Their brains may not be large, but are cleverly programmed to elude most commonplace smooshing tactics. The plums had to go, but in their place I put a dish of cider vinegar. To this I added a few drops of dishwashing liquid, to break the surface tension. Within hours, my fruitflies were all at the bottom of the dish.

(Please do not tell the animal rights activists.)