Essays in Idleness

As I was just writing to my Chief Texas Correspondent: “Damn. Greater Parkdale has made the shortlist for the new five-billion-dollar Amazon HQ. We will have to do something to stop this. Or we’ll have another 50,000 aliens moving in, and no [impious expression] way to deport them.”

Imagine, having one’s city overrun by what are colloquially called [another impious expression]. Or having to move to, say, Ottawa, to get away from the Lefties.

Verily, we are the only remaining candidate not in the Natted States Merica. Perhaps we could send a delegation to Seattle, in case they have overlooked this fact. Recommend they build it in Atlanta, or some other city we utterly despise, such as Austin, or Chicago. We could point to the death-trap of Canadian taxes. Or the prejudice against bald people up here. I could include pictures of Inner Parkdale. Maybe organize a million-man commentariat of Greater Parkdalians to trash the company on Twitter. “We don’t want yer durty stinken jobs. We’re happy with our own single-payer system.”

Or why don’t they put it in the middle of any American city that has been governed by the Democrats for at least thirty years? You know, some real dive, like Baltimore, or Detroit. There’ll be lots of empty space, downtown, and they can buy off the councillors cheaply. (Unfortunately, those cities were among the first to drop off the Amazon list.)

Bring back FIRA! … (This was the “Foreign Investment Review Agency” that the elder Trudeau created, to stop foreigners from investing in Canada. I never realized how necessary it was.)

This is a serious environmental concern. Amazon is, after all, the major cause of climate change. Everything they sell exudes carbon dioxide, and as we now know, all this excess exhalation is bringing back the Ice Age. Which is all very well if you want to ice over Los Angeles, or New York, but please:

Not In My Back Yard!