Essays in Idleness

Viscount Eady of Horton, a poet of the Ottawa Valley, and a fusspot in the cause of freedom, writes to mention Procrustes.

Those who have received any sort of education will recognize this figure from Greek legend. Procrustes was the originator of “one size fits all.” He went beyond “equality” to “equity,” as a progressive politician might say. This rogue smith from Attica had a bed, or rack, on which he tied his captives. Those whom he judged too short were stretched; those too tall had their legs shortened, with a saw. Each customer was made to fit the bed.

It was Theseus, as I recall, who solved “the problem of Procrustes,” by fitting him to his own bed.

Now, I don’t think this Biden fellow has much education. He wasted his learning years in politics: a half century as a loyal jackass of the Democratic Party. Having risen to boss, he remains a minion, doing whatever he is told by the various “commies and perverts,” at the core of that institution. The man can read, if the type is large enough, and according to news reports he can sign his name, though probably not with a Sharpie. Indeed, he has signed a record number, of Executive Orders, in his first few days as President of the United States. Or else, someone does his signature well.

He makes an unlikely Procrustes, but sometimes central casting goes rogue, too. Or perhaps they are clever, to cast a man who is constantly praising himself as tolerant, decent, and kind, in the psycho rôle. That makes the drama more subtle.

For Biden aspires to exceed his Greek progenitor. Not only will he make people “equal” — long the Procrustean policy of the Left — he will make men and women indistinguishable, too. Already he has signed the Executive Order. Biological men become biological women in his magical machine, and vice versa. Such categories as fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, uncles and aunts, &c, are also obviated in this order, and as the socialists did in Ontario (and more recently, California), little pointy-head bureaucrats go to work, reducing all legal references to “persons.” (The cones stretch them to full height.)

It is an embarrassment to them, that God made them male and female. They have long been trying to correct God’s work.

I attended a wedding in the years before the Batflu, in a Catholic church, under the occupation of Basilians. The bride, groom, and their respective parents, had begged the presiding minister to “follow the ancient liturgy.” He wouldn’t do that, but to rub it in, he called the couple “two persons.” Writing about this at the time, I said the Catholic Church was conducting “gay weddings.” But of course, these were already in vogue among most other denominations, in our brave new sexless world.

The Party of Procrustes wouldn’t have it any other way. Putting obvious men in female prisons, and letting them use women’s boudoirs, is a “no brainer” to people with no brains. To most observers, this is “a stretch.” But once the laws are rewritten, most observers go quiet.

Not this one, but let’s see what happens. I’d rather not be placed on the bed of Procrustes, myself, but am looking about anxiously. Where is darned Theseus, when you need him?

Oh, right, still in ancient Greece.