Essays in Idleness

We used to call them “communists,” owing to our difficulty in pronouncing the word “economist.” This was at the Thursday table, back in Idler Pub days: so far as I recall, the last instance of civilization in the northern wastes. I see that we thus have an official communist as prime minister, or “garbage person” as Instapundit will call him, who rather than being presented with a claim to a pension should have been dropped in a litter disposer.

Indeed, Mr Carney may be worse than the Trudeau child, because his empty qualifications will confuse people, and Canadians are easily confused. He will be an ideal victim for Donald Trump, who fights rough sometimes, but is genuinely smart.

Since there aren’t obvious things to do, besides make an effort to stop our export and re-export of fentanyl and other lethal drugs, and perhaps lower our 300 percent tariffs on butter and such things, thus perhaps making Trump withdraw his proposed 25 percent tariffs, we should start preparing for the surrender of our economy. That incredible jack-ass, the Honourable Doug Ford, has a ludicrous scheme to cut off the occasional export of electricity from Ontario. There are at least six reasons to Sunday that he cannot do this.

But I have a simpler, more practical plan. It is to undecimalize our “looney” (dollar), by re-introducing it as a piece-of-eight. The new eighth “bits” would be worth one half of the current “quarter,” when chopped into pie shapes from the loonies, or by breaking quarters in two. This would enable us to put all our depreciated dimes and nickels in the same landfill into which we previously tossed our pennies, thus making all the copper, zinc, and nickel-plated pieces more convenient for homeless persons to collect.

Then, at their leisure, our politicians could successively withdraw the half-quarters, quarters, and the giant dollar coins, that must be expensive to mint, even when they are made from the cheapest metals.